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PAUL VALERY'S The Evening With Monsieur Teste
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Caller name announcer for htc. Download internet speed browser. What can I do then! I take refuge in my heart, where I love him as I wish. As to his feeling for me, what opinion of myself he may have, these are things I do not know, just as I know nothing more about him than is to be seen and heard. As for my- self, I keep to the surface of life; I drift with the passing days. I tell myself that I am the servant of that incomprehensible moment when my marriage was decided, as of itself. A won- derful moment, perhaps supernatural?
I cannot say that I am loved. You may be sure that the word love, so vague in its ordinary use and suggesting many different images, is entirely meaningless when it describes the relations between my husband's heart and my person. His head is a locked treasury, and I am not sure that he has a heart. Am I ever sure that he recognizes me; that he loves or observes me? Or does he observe through me? You will understand that I do not mean to make much of this. In short, teel that I am m his hands and among his thoughts, like an object, at times the most familiar and again the strangest thing m the world to him, according to the nature of his sight, varying as it focuses.
I don't at all mean captive. I am free, but classified.
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What we have that is most ours, most precious, is obscure to ourselves, as you well know. It seems to me that I should lose my being, if I knew myself completely.
Well, for one man I am transparent, seen and foreseen just as I am, without mystery, or darkness, or any possible recourse to my unknown self— to my own ignorance of myself! I am a fly, flitting through its meager life in the universe of an unflinching eye; seen at times, then unseen, but never out of sight.
I know at every moment that I exist within a consciousness always vaster and more general than all my vigilance, always quicker than my promptest and quickest thoughts. The highest impulses of my soul are for him small and insignificant events. And yet I have an infinity of my own I feel it. I cannot but recognize that it is contained in his, and I cannot consent that it should be so.
It is something inexpressible, Sir, that I should be capable of thinking and acting absolutely as I will, and yet can never, never, think nor will anything that is unforeseen, or important, or new to Monsieur Teste! I have the persona experience of being within the sphere of a being, just as all souls are in Being.
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